in the now

i've still been writing, and keeping majority of it to my self as ofcourse. i am beyond pleased with my current ideas, feels and just soundscapes..i'm getting closer and closer to writing the kind of music i want to be structuring. it was just overwhelming to have all my friends at my last official show with WLAS. everyone was just so into it, as well as my self. i tried really hard to put my all into it..even though we weren't that tight. but regardless, it's what i need right now and it's helping me be more optimistic as well pushing me to try again to look for a new band. i have so many ideas and whatnot lined up. but i'm ready to sacrifice and try to make sure everyone has an opinion..but still have some sort of form ya know? so many people already want to work with me, but it's nothing i want to do, besides i want to work with kyle a shit load. but that's about it. it feels like i'm taking on a heavier route for my newer songs..but then something just more raw and pure. like i'm just so thrilled to sit back and watch everything write by it's self. it's been so liberating to sit back and write alone at my own pace with no one voicing to me what's wrong with what i'm doing..or telling me what would be better or it's just lame all together. everything is forming on it's own and i'm just letting it breathe and form with no rush. i was going to force it, but i decided i need to keep it going how it is already. i have a lot of new material under my belt and i already have an idea of how i want it to be released. first of all, i want to have a demo only to be used as a hype machine..so basically for free. then shortly after, re-release it but in better quality with more songs on it as well as other stuff to make it more worth wild to buy it. ofcourse it's going to be cheap. i just want to release a string of EPs/splits/7inchs in the first 2 years of this new project. then ofcourse doing a monster of a full length sometime after. i'm getting closer to getting the kind of gear i want as well..but enough about that. i think i'm finally getting closer to meeting a new guy..i mean yeah, its sad i like some guys i work with..but this dude stands out the most even though he some what irritates me as well as creep me out a nice amount. even after all of that i still can't help but to think about him. his name is Will, lol i know..but he's 24 and he's from CT and he transfered to my store from the one near where he use to live for school. he's attending columbia..which is kinda stupid, but whatever. he's extreamly cute, tall and has some nice kissable lips. for the past few weeks i've been trying to figure out if he's into me..or just fond of me and extreamly lame. i mean i know he's really lame or whatever..but idk if he does what he does cause he likes me or not. but idk, i think i'm willing to take the anisitive to find out, and just get ready to get some egg in my face. i've given up on charles, mainly because he does have a girlfriend, and even if he does like me i know he wouldn't push his self to do something with me. but yeahhhh, life has been extreamly amusing. this spring should be the blossomings of so many new beginnings. to new starts of new endeavors, new friendships taking on real form, new people that will teach me so much more that i haven't even realized yet, into the darkness where i'll find something that i've been waiting to find for the longest.