doubt everything.

disconnected to the point that it doesn't feel like i'm here. watch the days bleed into months and the months fade into years. i can't even tell the difference between sunset and sunrise. everything is momentary. nothing really last anyways. doubt everything.

bastard luck.

i might be damned but your heart is dumb. yes you're troubled but i'm not much better off myself. linger rather than to cut all ties.

DRGTS

more sure of what i want to do more than ever now, me and Bryan were suppose to do something together doubt it's a good idea but we might still try. I'm not completely opposed to the idea but it's the fact i don't think he completely gets it. i want to be in a post-hardcore band. like the true definition of a post-hardcore band. there's a lot of bands i got into over the past year and they're taking a big influence on me. i want to try to save a dying genre and introduce kids to a sound i'm sure many have never been properly shown. i'm a guy that appreciates legitimate hardcore and assorted indie-rock and alternative bands and that just goes to show you why post-hardcore is something that's exactly right up my alley and feel strong for. there's a lot i'd like to accomplish with this band i plan on eventually doing. my writing has be gradually becoming more and more sophisticated as well as somewhat ridiculous. i really love where i'm going and i feel that this honestly won't work unless i have people on board and around that gets as well as fully understand this project's sound. the shows won't work out if everyone isn't 100% into it because it will show so easily. the music has so much room to breathe and there's room for emotion and emphasis to be thrown on top of what's actually going on. if things are done right a huge impact could be imprinted on a lot of people that encounters the band. i'm not trying to be cocky, or too optimistic but i feel that what i'm doing hasn't exactly be done in the manor i'd like to go about and a lot of kids are waiting for something like this to emerge. i'm still sold on the EP and it's odd cause i just remembered the other day how i wrote and wrote for years straight. those songs are dead to me and i've out grown them but i've been working on the same 10-20 songs/ideas for the past 8 months and i haven't been this satisfied ever. hopefully either in or before december i will demo two songs with intentions of finding people to help me complete this project. i'm going to be very upfront and firm about this. i don't want to be a control freak but i def need this to work and certain way. things need to sound and feel a certain way, not like how with lights and sirens needed things to go along a certain formula things just need to be real. like you can't set rules to something like that, but there needs to be some sort of law when it comes to presentation as well as writing it's self. i want to be apart of thing that's secretive and keeps people wondering what's going on. i understand people lose interest but at the same time you can't whore the band out, tour on the same 10 songs or so for a year straight and expect people to still be stoked/pumped. i want to have songs and dispense them wisely and almost sporadically. i'm not going to lie, i don't think i have the complete capabilities or capacity to write a whole LP right now but most likely in a few years esp after i'm active for a little. i have a lot of ideas but i'm going to let that come together on it's own like the first droughts EP did. i'm really proud of what i'm going to produce sometime next year and hopefully it will be received like i've been fantasizing it to be. i need to stop being lazy and get a job, once that occurs a lot will change.

ever felt like you're waiting for the next door to open? as if you're in transition for bigger and better things to come? all you can do at the moment is to continue to be positive and just pray that this moment of time finally arrives and you're able to completely take it to it's fullest advantage. it feels like i do more waiting than being productive. i guess it's a matter of doing and getting yourself out there. i'm seriously trying to, but at the moment nothing feels right..so why even bother? i've been told that i'm not ready and it's true, so i've been taking time to just re-evaluate and make more sense of my habits. examing the life i live, and trying to change for the better. it isn't as easy as it sounds, and it isn't something that would spuratically just change over life. but progressively, it's possible. i know it is.

whelp

things have been pretty interesting as of late, i had a pretty good weekend. spent time with people that mattered to me, had a few adventures as well as a few realizations. i would like to say a lot of the things were uplifting, cause they ultimately were but at the same time it was all things that i needed to hear. i really need a push to feel like i need to get more of a drive to get this ball on the move. i had no idea none of my friends would actually have expectations and be somewhat thrilled to see what i have in store. i am surprised how easy it was to get joey on board, all i need to do is follow through and see if he won't flake on me. i know he'll bring the energy i'm seeking as well adding the emotion and atmosphere to this record. now this record is about 7 songs long, and it's more of an album than a EP. the mood is still the same, no songs were cut but more were added. this project has grown into something more..complete i would like to say. i was going to go to a show with my friend mike but i ended up running late and hung out with my friend jonathan instead. i was suppose to meet mike at UIC, but he was gone by the time i got there cause i told him to leave if i was going to make him late. so since that didn't work out i gave jon a buzz and walked over to his dorm. we talked for a nice while, it was something i felt we both needed. it was amazing. we talked about his art, what he's been up to as well as him coming to be the person he is now. and i am so proud. he's more comfortable with liking guys, cause we all had a hunch that he did. i let him hear a demo i did and he was somewhat blown away, not even trying to tute my own horn or anything but he truly like the things he heard. he feels that i'm slowly on my way to do good things and he believes my EP will come out good. he's also going to work on the art work for my record, i'm extremely stoked to see what he's going to do. he's so talented and i feel he will bring a new element in the form of art to represent what i'm about to unveil. there's so much frustration in his artwork as well as passion. i just love it. later that night i went over jarret's and had another talk about what i'm trying to do again. he loved the demo and he's pretty excited to see what i have up my sleeve. he went on to tell me how he thinks i have so much to offer and i really need to be active in a band. so basically, a lot of people are now officially sitting and waiting to see what i'm going to do next. it's kind of weird, like i don't feel any pressure cause there isn't. but it's kind of nice to know people aren't only supportive, they're curious and waiting to hear this effort of mine to be complete. i'm juggling titles, but the one that's sticking to me the most is "we're all in good company". for some reason it feels like it suits, but we will see if it works or not. there's no longer a theme for the record but it feels like i'm turning to indie-hip hop for inspiration. i have so many ideas, i know what i want a few songs to be about but i'm not exactly sure how to start writing for it. i think this week i will use a lot of the time i have to start writing short stories. hopefully those ideas, and thoughts can be used to form songs. i know i'm not the most lyrically deepest person, but i have so much i want to discuss you know? i'm praying that i find an awesome vocalist to help me bring it all together. i have no idea what i'm going to do about vocals. like i know i'd like to do some parts, but i want a voice for this project. once i find him, hopefully he'll be able to contribute ideas and not only his personality to this project. hopefully all of this works out and i can do small tours with this studio project-turned-band barely half of the year. we'll see how everything works out. i made a more realistic goal, and hopefully this EP will be done tracking before the new year comes. i want it to either be sent off to be mastered by late decemember if it hasn't already, or i'm waiting to save up money to do so.

DRGHTS.

not exactly ready

well, i took the time to read my previous post on this ghost blog. it's just kind of odd mainly cause i've kept this since the week before i decided to quit my old band and periodically update from time to time. basically, i'm just about done writing the EP. i picked the 5 songs i want to be on this EP in particular. this EP is very dark, yet optimistic sounding. it's weird, it's exactly how i am as a person. a huge oxymoron. i'm extremely pleased with what i have, and so far it's just been about filling the gaps and perfecting parts more so than trying to change or rearrange everything. my ideas are becoming more and more consistent, everything just feels right. i haven't been so sure about what i wanted to do musically till now. i've written about 85% of the record already. i kind of have an idea of how i'd like things to flow and transition but lyrically speaking i'm slightly stumped. i want to have a theme about people feeling unloved, and how people need to be reminded that they're cared for. i'd like to expand on that, but at the same time it doesn't feel exactly that it would be a current topic for me to discuss. maybe i could talk about being over due, being patient and just waiting for things in life to work out even though you feel so lost and growing restless of where you are. all i know is, the songs i've chosen all work well together, and they all carry emotion and will be a good first batch of songs to display what i want to do. i guess the plan is, is to save up some..and start working with erik martin again. we totally click more these days and he's down for what i want to do. so once me and him work together and figure everything out and hopefully make plans to enter the studio this summer. i just want this EP to sound huge, and hallow as if it was recorded at godcity studios. hopefully i will have this EP done by august.