so what's been up.

absolutly nothing..it's very sad if you asked me. the only thing that keeps me sane and happy is the fact i've been writting some of the greatest songs of my life..and just been finding new bands to listen and obess over. but heh..idk, shit's just been weird. like how shit might be ending soon, and honestly..it doesn't bother me at all. like it feels like it needs to happen, and on top of that it just doesn't feel right anymore..even though someone refuses to let it die. like i know it's all we know, but it's time to.."man up", grow up and just flat out move on. honestly, it's scarey..but i'm ready. it's been on my mind since july. that's all i've been doing. preparing my self, and just writting my ass off for hours in my room. like it gets intense sometimes..i just wish i had someone to share this with. like someone to work on shit with so things can be legit. there's only so much you can do on your own. but it's great to know that i am able to when it comes down to it. i've also been thinking about going back to school..i'm not exactly sure anymore, but i know it's something i have to do regaurdless what happens over the summer or not. but eh, we'll see. like..when i jam alone in my room..like i can't explain what actually happens..it's so creepy. like i've been proving it to my self, i can actually write like it's an amazing feeling and i just can't wait to see what's going to happen once it all comes together hopefully by the winter. this summer, i plan on doing so much to make sure i'll be ready to get back into the swing of things by the next snow fall..or hopefully sooner. like i just want it to be something so..raw, so energetic and honest. i want ppl to just get emotional and just feel and move along to the soundscapes..fast or slow. like i've been messing around with so many differn't sounds. like..things might sound simular, but there's differn't feels and things just move differn't from each other. like these 14-16 songs i've been working on..are just like..out there kinda. like i know something will happen with tons of hard work and dedication. i need ppl that are looking for what i want. like i'm not in this for money or to get big honestly. i just want to make music for ppl thate love music as much as i do. like..i finally got more of a vision for what i'm gonna try to i guess "prech" to the kids. i write about stuff that ppl can actually relate to. like..the words i have, they're not really complex or deep. i just want ppl to put in our cd..like, they're addicted with out even knowing..like before they know it they know everysingle word to all the songs..and when they go to the shows..like something comes over them and thet just rush towards the stage and just sing their lungs out. i want that more then ever. like, the music is gonna stand out and be strong enough it doesn't matter how bad the words are, but ofcourse the melody has to matter. i want to write about..someone in a place so dark, they feel there's no way out..i want to give ppl hope. i want to make ppl feel they aren't alone cause we all have our moments when we feel like that. i just want to shine a light on this scene. like, no one's really trying to do anything worth listening to now days. ppl aren't trying to write timeless songs. like it just bothers me. nothing's exactly honest anymore..ppl are just trying to be catchy..like don't get be wrong, we all want to sound marketable, but there's only so much i'm willing to do. like idk. it just feel like there isn't that many ppl like me in bands at the moment..or atleast here in this scene. like honestly, i know i have what it takes..i'm going to try harder this time. i'm promising this to my self. like i just want to be at a place..where i can just tour constantly and not worry about money. we all want money and to be wealthy..there's nothing wrong with that, but i could careless..i just want to be happy. that's all i want, i just want to not worry about how i'm gonna pay my cell phone bill and little things like that. of course i'd like to have money to do things for my self..like, is that too much to ask for? like in a year, or almost two. i plan on being at that place. i've never been this serious in my life. like idk, i've just been keeping to my self about all of my future plans..and so far it's been actually helping. the fact is..soon i'm going to have to be vocal, and i don't know how it's going to go. like idk, i just gotta do me..i need to try new things, i want to see the world. i want to meet new ppl. i want to wake up and not know where i am. i want to be in the studio right now. i want to be infront of a crowd of ppl i've never met in my life..or hell, can't even speak english but manage to sing every word. there's so many things i want, but the odds of it happening are low. it's sad, and it makes me upset..yet i still want to risk years of my life and time trying to achive it. like, srsly..wtf is weong with me. like idk. i know i'm talented, but it seems like that isn't enough not days. but idk, i'm just going to continue keeping the faith and just work on my self and give everything i have when the time comes. i know this doesn't make much sense..mainly cuz i can't spell nor i don't really care lol...but yeah i'm done for now i guess.